


Kanjou no Uta

by BananaSins



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday Fic for Ranmaru Kurosaki, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Requited Unrequited Love, Romance, Smut, resolved emotional tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:49:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaSins/pseuds/BananaSins
Summary: "This Christmas, Ranmaru would spend the holiday with a special friend. He didn't know his feelings he bottled up for her will burst through with not just words, but actions."
Relationships: Kurosaki Ranmaru/Original Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	Kanjou no Uta

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT a songfic, but it is heavily inspired by Aion no Uta.
> 
> This fic was born from Ryou's first sex scene in Gin no Kanmuri Ao no Namida. I was attempting to emulate the scene but everything gets thrown by the window thanks to Ranmaru. Thankful for that because it pieces the dots together where I am completely confident with what I wrote.
> 
> Happy Birthday to my No. 1, my king, my beloved. I spoke a lot earlier night and tweeted my rough sketch on Twitter.

_Like the bright, cheerful sun,_   
_I'll show you a dream_   
_So that I can give this warmth to you_   
_I'll sing to that heart of yours_

_Aion no Uta - Emma Verde_

* * *

In all his life, Christmas was something that he never celebrated. After he swore independence to pursue his dreams, that beloved occasion was nothing to him but a nuisance. He was a loner--who had no close friends he could really spend some quality time with--and pretending to be formal with the people he barely connected with was a pain. Besides, the money that would be spent on barely-thought out gifts and holiday decorations would be used for more important matters, like unpaid bills and food.

Ranmaru didn’t really hate the day--one of his happiest memories was on that special month, after all. The days spent with his father, his smile contagious as he made up from all the times he was never home, his cookings delicious as ever--especially his favorite omelette, and his unwavering love for his family. When his father unfortunately passed away due to illness and the debt too great to pay all at once, instead of putting his family in more danger, he decided to separate himself away from them, away from his mother and his younger sister. He refused to receive any letters or text from them--the better that bastard won’t trace their locations and disturb their peace.

It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. His sadness for forcing himself to cut ties with his mother and sister was something he was willing to take rather than seeing them harmed by that bastard. Whatever scrap of cash he earned would be thrown on that bottomless debt (that bastard wouldn’t stop adding interest upon interest), and only a scrap for his necessities.

Putting on his signature grey vest, Ranmaru took one last look at the mirror. Hair was spiky, his silver eyes staring back, his face clear from dirt, and clothes were ironed well. Checking his pocket to see if he brought his wallet and phone, he nodded at himself.

This Christmas, he would spend it with a friend. A special friend.

Soramaru Hoshizora.

It just so happened that he sort of suggested he spend their Christmas together after a long day at work. The two of them headed home together and took a slight detour to a nearby convenience store to have some snacks and hang out. The conversation started normally; Ranmaru’s complaining about Camus and how they always clash when it comes to presenting their ideas, Soramaru stressed about Shining’s bizarre task that didn’t involve memorizing the script for her next short film. The moment she talked about being able to relax on Christmas break was the perfect opening for him to take his chance.

“Do you have plans for Christmas? A friendly outing, a relative to visit to, something like that?”

Soramaru would whine and pout, her cheeks puffing as she glared at her bottled iced tea. “I really don’t have any close relatives to spend the holiday on. I’m disappointed I can’t even spend it with my friends!"

Ranmaru would nod his head as he suppressed the urge to grin. 

"Tokiya’s stuck with having a STARISH Christmas project, both Shinpachi and Kanade were already somewhere far away from here to attend their yearly big family gathering. I wish I can join them, but alas, it was basically their tradition.” She let out a small sigh, a small smile on her lips. “Those two are inseparable, I can never see one of them without the other at this point.”

“Mm, very true.” He chuckled. “Especially since Shinpachi’s always on Kanade’s tail.”

“Right?!” She cracked a large grin, then shook her head. “Anyway, I asked Yusei if he had plans, and unfortunately, he said yes. Nanjou was stuck doing some paid Christmas work because he couldn’t refuse the offer, and Nanaka has a family reunion to tend to!” She lifted the bottle and drank her beverage. She slammed it back on the table with a sad sigh. “I’m too used at having company for the holiday. It’s kinda boring spending Christmas alone…”

“Why don’t I spend Christmas with you then?” He cringed at how overly enthusiastic he sounded, but he covered his internal chagrin with a toothy grin.

“With you?!” Her cheeks flushed pink as she stared at him wide eye. “Don’t you wanna spend that day with your family or something?!”

“Nah. They’re better off without me. Besides,” He grabbed the banana he bought and peeled the skin off. “We’re friends. You don’t have to spend the holiday alone if you have me.”

Ranmaru took a bite on his banana a bit too hard. He tried to stay cool, realizing he was slightly flirting with her by accident. No doubt she would reject him and find him weird and a pervert for inviting a woman to spend a holiday with-

“F-Fair point…” She spoke with a soft tone. Her eyes were gazing at her bottled drink, cheeks now scarlet hue. “I  _ do _ have you, after all.” Soramaru tugged on the collar of her shirt, avoiding his gaze. “Sure, you can come. Before Christmas. Like, on the twenty fourth at night. Something.”

Ranmaru blinked. He swallowed the sudden dryness in his throat, his palms getting clammy. “Are you sure? You don’t have to accept if you’re not comfortab-”

“Geez, it’s not like I’m rejecting you!” Soramaru faced him with a scowl. Her face softened afterwards. “I don’t wanna bother you, that’s all.”

He shook his head. “No, you’re not bothering me at all. In fact, I’ll be happy if I spend the holiday with you. I’ll have someone to spend Christmas with, and it’s not from someone I don’t give two shits about.”

She rubbed her cheek with her fingertip. “R-right, right. That settles it then.”

The awkwardness thickened, but the plan was set. After they were done, Ranmaru insisted on tagging along when she went home, and after a few budges, she caved in. They bought takeout together while they spent additional time in her home before he eventually headed back to his apartment.

Letting out a deep breath, he pushed himself off the table. Taking one last look, he turned heel and opened the door.

He wondered how she would react? He didn't dress fancy or anything like that--he got rid of his usual accessories he wore whenever he went out, he was hoping Soramaru would take notice of the difference.

He wanted to look good for her.

* * *

A single push of the button for the doorbell, and he could already hear her muttering profanities from miles away. There were loud thuds as well, which made him cringe. He hoped Soramaru was alright.

When the door finally opened, his eyes landed on his friend. She was hunched over, her breathing ragged as she gazed at him with a tired look. Her hair was disheveled that blocked almost all of her face, completing her image of a deranged woman.

Ranmaru took a step closer and placed his hand on her shoulder, his other hand tucking her loose strands of hair behind her ears. "What happened, Soramaru?"

She placed her palm on top of the hand that was on her shoulder. She heaved out another heavy sigh. "...I overslept. Cooked food in a hurry. Done the dinner preparations. About to get dressed, then you're already here. Have to run downstairs while slipping on this goddamn shirt and I… tripped and fell."

"Are you alright?" Ranmaru felt her forehead. "You didn't sprain your ankle or break your bone?"

"No, I'm alright." Soramaru took a few steps back, creating distance between them. "Anyway, c'mon in. Dinner's ready, too." 

His eyelids blinked rapidly. "Wait, dinner?" He shook his head, unable to accept the fact that Soramaru invited him for dinner. “Dinner with me?”

Soramaru scowled at him, gray eyes flickering. “Yes, with you! Who else do I have to eat dinner with?” She took hold of his hands, their fingers intertwining. She tugged him closer to her. “C’mon! We don’t want to eat cold food!”

“R-Right!”

Just like that, Ranmaru found himself sitting on her dinner table filled with a moderate amount of different meals. There was a larger table nearby, but they were eating on a smaller table instead, so the distance between them wasn’t by a double arms’ length. He was not about to complain, as he would get a better view of her face--the way the sauce stained the corner of her lips, how her eyes sparkled at every bite of her sliced meat, and the adorable faces she would make whenever she chewed on her food.

Fun stories were exchanged while they indulged in the feast. It seemed that Soramaru’s best friends were worried sick over her spending Christmas alone, but with his face now in the view of the camera, their creased brows disappeared as their lips curled into a wide smile.

“I’m relieved that Soramaru has Ranmaru to spend time with.” Nanjou let out a soft chuckle when Ranmaru grinned at the screen. “She is in good hands.”

Soramaru glared at Nanjou. “Hey, what are you implying?”

“Hmmm…” Nanaka placed a finger on her chin as she swayed left and right. “We’re not implying anything~”

Ranmaru shook his head, then nudged Soramaru’s shoulder gently. “Ignore them. They’re just teasing you.”

“He’s right~” Nanaka spoke in a sing-song manner. “We’re just happy that you have someone  _ special _ to celebrate Christmas with together, as unfortunately, both of us can’t be with you. So,” She clasped her hands together. “Have fun this Christmas! And Ranmaru, make sure to give her a night to remember~” With one last wink, she disconnected.

“I should be going too.” The politeness of Nanjou’s voice sliced through the possible awkwardness that his friend may have left. “Merry Christmas Soramaru and Ranmaru. Please enjoy the rest of the night, and may we find the time to spend time together.”

The video call ended, the phone screen reflecting their faces, both of them having a large smile on their lips. The two of them glanced at one another, then bursted into laughter a few seconds after.

“Man, your best friends really love you.”

Soramaru wiped a fresh tear from the corner of her eye. “They do, and that’s why I love them back.”

He watched her compose herself as the laughter died down. He knew Soramaru loves him too, but he was hoping that maybe, the love will blossom into a stronger love that could surpass her love for them both combined.

* * *

“What’s a mistletoe doing here?” Ranmaru flicked the tip of the mistletoe with his fingertips. “Waiting for your prince charming to kiss you at midnight?”

“No, you dumbass!” She yelled from the other room. “I just feel like adding a mistletoe to fit the mood!”

He let out a laugh, earning him a groan from his friend. He glanced back at the mistletoe again. What if there  _ was _ someone she wanted to spend time with, but they got other plans? Speaking of, he never heard Soramaru talk about her crushes other than a certain fictional character named Martin Crewes. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy at the idea of Soramaru longing for another man, and the image of her being kissed at this same place he was standing on.

She did mention asking Yusei to spend Christmas together, after all. Maybe she wanted to get back to him all this time? He felt a roll of sweat cascade down from the back of his neck. It was a possibility that hurt him.

“Oi. When are you going to sit down?” Her voice snapped him out of his intrusive thoughts. He glanced back at her to see her with a playful frown. “What, imagining yourself kissing a lucky lady?”

“Hell no.” He scowled, crossing his arms. “You know how I’m not fond of  _ most  _ women…”

“I kid, kid.” She gave him a toothy grin as she waved her hands in a dismissive manner.

He sighed, letting his arms fall from his side. “Seriously, Soramaru. Why hang a mistletoe at the middle of the living room? It can’t be just for decoration, you know?” A small smile formed on his lips. “I have an inkling you have a plan for this one.”

Soramaru’s cheeks darkened, then with a guilty look, she raised her hands in the air with a defeated sigh. “Fine, fine, you got me.” She tucked a stray strand of lock behind her ear. “I wanted to kiss my best friends--on their cheeks, of course.” She gave him a glare. “I’m not like that.”

He nodded with a grin. “I wasn’t taking it like that.”

“Argh.” She shook her head. “Anyway, I really wanted to thank them for sticking with me all this time. Mending our already broken friendship because of me, especially at Nanjou.” Her face softened. “He really took that incident hard, and still, I feel the lingering regret. I hurt them, I didn’t deserve their forgiveness but they did. I was a horrible friend towards them but in the end, our friendship became stronger, to the point of unbreakable.” Her eyes glanced up at the innocent mistletoe. “I just want to express my gratitude with a kiss, then some baked cake, but alas, they had other plans.” She sighed as she closed her eyes.

Ranmaru didn’t speak any words, letting the silence in the air hang longer.

Soramaru had been through by a lot, and that’s a fact that really hurt him. He can take all the sufferings and pain and brush it all off as something that was normal for the path he took, but to hear her past and how it was filled with heartbreak and tears? He wished to take them all from her so she won’t know pain anymore. He wished he could do something to ease her lingering pain, the wounds that were still healing if not healed, to let her know everything will be okay.

His hands reached up to squeeze her shoulders gently. When Soramaru didn't shake him off, Ranmaru took a step closer, pulling her against him. His hand crawled towards her back, caressing it as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"At least I'm here. You don't have to be lonely anymore."

"Mm. It's not that bad." She pulled back just enough to face him. A gentle smile was on her lips. "I have you, after all. A friend to spend a holiday with-" She cut herself short after realizing what just happened. "Hey, you kissed me under the mistletoe!"

Ranmaru removed himself from her, his face blazing red as he scratched the back of his head. He could only laugh nervously as a response, eyes darting in every direction except her face.

"I-I didn't realize it, I got caught up in the moment. I swear I forgot we were under the mistletoe!"

When he finally faced her, her face wasn’t filled with scorn or disgust. Soramaru was trying to bite back her own laughter, hands clutching on her stomach. This puzzled him. Shouldn’t she be beating his ass for kissing her without her consent? Sure, it was just a forehead kiss, but Soramaru was not an affectionate person, and she always beat up Nanaka in return when she tried to be affectionate with Soramaru, even if it didn't involve her hands groping Soramaru's chest. It was true she wanted to kiss Nanaka tonight, but it was probably  _ only _ for tonight.

“Geez, making a move on me, huh? Just because I’m single…” She narrowed her eyes as her lips curled into a playful smirk, her hand covering her mouth as she kept holding back her laughter.

“T-That’s…” His words fell before he could even express them. He shook his head, mustering a smirk of his own. Two could play this game. “It’s not a kiss if you don’t kiss me back.”

Soramaru jumped in her place, her eyes wide open. “Fueee?!”

"I'm serious." Ranmaru pointed at the mistletoe. “If you can kiss both Nanjou and Nanaka, why can’t you do the same with me?”

“I…” Her mouth was agape. Processing his logic, Soramaru slowly closed her mouth. She nodded her head, her gaze more intense. “Alright. I’ll kiss you.”

He beamed at her. “Great! It actually means a lot to me. You can choose whether to peck my left or right cheek, I don’t mind-”

He was given no time to prepare himself as she already zoomed towards him, her soft lips making contact on the corner of his lips. His heart bursted, pulse racing instantly. That wasn’t on the cheeks as he wanted, no, it was dangerously close to his lips.

Her face didn’t show any embarrassment on what she’d just done. Instead, a playful smile emerged on her lips. “That’s an early Christmas gift from me. After all, no girl has gone out with you yet. Maybe then you’ll get an opportunity to get a proper kiss…”

He was stunned, frozen in his feet right there. Soramaru only giggled at him, taking everything lightly, like kissing a friend on the corner of their lips was a natural thing to do. When she was about to take a step back, his gear kicked in. Ranmaru seized her wrist, taking her by surprise. Her gray eyes widened further once she made contact with his own silver eyes.

“Soramaru.” His scowl deepened. “What the hell’s up with you?”

Her face flushed, a nervous chuckle escaping her lips. With her free hand, she idly scratched a random itch on her cheek. “Well… I just felt like giving you a kiss.”

“Is this what you planned to do with your best friends, after all?”

“No! I told you, I only wanted to kiss them on the cheeks!”

Her voice still light-hearted, the way she answered was filled with truth. Ranmaru swallowed the lump in his throat, clashing emotions stirring inside his chest. The never-ending longing, the unrequited love after all these years, his cowardly act of properly confessing his feelings for her, the fear of being rejected and breaking their wonderful friendship, the feeling of disgust at himself for being selfish…

“H-Hey, Ranmaru? You’re kinda hurting me…”

The grip on her wrist was tight, his knuckles were turning white. He slackened it just a bit for her, heavy breath escaping through his nose. There were a lot of things he wanted to do, but the rising flames of anger was the one who took reign of his heart. 

“Why me, then…?” His voice was filled with emptiness, his voice lower than his usual tone.

Ranmaru felt her shiver as she drew a nervous breath. He glanced back at her face, their eyes meeting. Fear was what she’d seen in her eyes, and he knew his were filled with inferno. Despite that, he waited for her to talk, his grip never letting go of her. Seconds turned into minutes, she was finally able to open her mouth to talk.

“I just thought… maybe…” She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes flickering everywhere other than his face. Slowly, she took a step forward, closing the distance between them. She stopped once her arm was relaxed on his grip, her face facing his chest, watching the rise and fall of his chest. 

The gray vest complimenting his black shirt, truly a fashion for a rocker like him. 

She drew another breath, raising her face to meet his gaze, braving through the fire behind his eyes.

It was a spur of a moment for her. All she planned was to plant a quick peck on his cheek and distance themselves away from that silly decoration. And yet, all this time, selfishness took the best of her. Soramaru couldn’t hold herself back any longer. The consequence was too high, the risk was too dangerous, and yet the words that escaped her lips proved to have no way out on this.

“...I thought we could try… having benefits from one another.”

Soramaru saw his eyes widened once she let those words slip out from her lips. Her eyes witnessed his lips trembling as his breathing became hitched. When he didn’t say anything, she continued. “We have that trust and bond, after all. I… I thought maybe, if you finally find the right woman for your heart, you’ll know how to please her since you have an experience now.” She mustered a gentle smile. “After all, you’re a good man deep inside. You really deserved to be loved, Ranmaru.”

Now that that was out of her chest, she felt a heavy burden being lifted off her shoulders. But that moment of respite quickly faded when he merely closed his eyes, one word spoke with a low whisper.

Her name.

Soramaru felt herself being pulled roughly by him. She let out a yelp once she was thrown towards the nearby sofa. Her breathing got caught on her throat, chills running down her spine. She watched him grab her wrists with one hand, pinning her completely, while his other hand cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“How could you… Soramaru…”

Ranmaru wasn’t yelling. A polar opposite of the glare that could cut glasses and leave her exposed. The previous emptiness of his voice was now filled with incredible sadness.

“Why with me? Why even consider  _ just  _ leaving it as friends with benefits?”

Her blood now ran cold. All Soramaru could do was stare at him with wide eyes, fresh tears threatening to leak from the corner of her eyes.

“Are… Are you that  _ dense _ ?” 

He spoke it with heavy emphasis, which made her eyes pop open. 

“H-Huh?”

...Was Ranmaru-?

“Can’t you see… My slip-ups? The times where I crossed the line? My flirtings? Have you not thought about my feelings for you with those moments?” He took a deep breath, letting his own tears drop down to her face, his low voice becoming more gentle. “Is it because I’m inexperienced that you don’t even consider me as worthy for your love? Even after all this time…?”

“Ranmaru…?”

“If you’re truly that  _ dense… _ ” The hand that held her chin now slid down from her throat, tracing towards her exposed collarbones. “Then I’ll… I’ll…” His fingers curled into fists, taking hold of her shirt’s collar as it shook violently. He heaved out a heavy sigh as he let go of her collar. Both of his hands trailed down until he reached the hem of her shirt.

She could only cry his name.

The sensation of his hands gripping her shirt and sliding them off her made her arms instinctively hold themselves up, letting him strip her off with ease, exposing her lacy white bralette that covered her modest chest. He threw the red shirt nearby, wasting no time on capturing her lips with a deep kiss. The way he clasped and unclasped his lips on hers showed his lack of experience--his lips clumsy on claiming hers, teeth biting on her lips. Soramaru could do nothing to help him as her wrists were held by one hand again, but only to be stunned by his sudden assault. Her conscience was still keeping up on what was going on, until she felt his tongue brush against her teeth, squirming inside her mouth.

Her squeal was drowned from the kiss. Soramaru squirmed underneath him, doing nothing to actually push him off her. She arched her back, closing the gap between their bodies, hoping to squish her small breasts against him. She wanted nothing but to be lost in this sensation, to be filled with his feelings, because he was right, she was dense.

Too dense to accept the fact that she may have fallen for him, too dense to even act upon her feelings, too dense to differentiate affections of friendship and romance when it comes to him.

Too scared to even dare  _ try  _ asking him out.

When her tongue flicked against his, Ranmaru felt his body stiffened as he suddenly pulled back. Conscience and guilt quickly taking over his overflowing passion, he glanced at her with a guilty expression. As he was about to back off from her, Soramaru held the hand that pinned her with both hands. She gave him no time to recover as she placed her hands on his shoulders, pulling him back against her, lips meeting in the process. Soramaru snaked her arms around his neck, completely trapping him. Mingled breaths and moans were exchanged in the kiss, now fiery than before. Ranmaru was too shell-shocked to do anything other than to claim dominance with his lips.

This… This wasn’t what he expected to happen.

He was prepared for the most painful slap he would experience yet, if not a kick to his groin. He was prepared to lose Soramaru for good, for misunderstanding her intentions. He was prepared to lose himself, as the only woman who gave him light to this miserable life of his was gone from his life. The sound of her sweet moans and her hand pressing the back of his head closer to her completely melted all those thoughts away.

What mattered is hearing her explain  _ why _ she reciprocated, as this was not done out of accepting her proposal. It was what he  _ wished  _ it to be.

He pulled back from their heated exchange just enough to speak. “Why…”

She resumed the kiss, her teeth tugging gently on his lower lip before letting him go. Her voice was above whisper. “I don’t know…”

He distanced himself just enough to see her face, brushing the stray locks away from her face. “Why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you say no?” 

“I don’t know…” Her eyes flickered to the left, trying to blink back tears. “I can’t explain...I don’t know how to say it!”

“Soramaru...”

She closed her eyes shut, shaking her head. “It’s always like this. I thought I know how to deal with love. Even from way back, I should have fought that guy who stole my first kiss when I just went out with Yusei, but I didn’t! What’s worse… I promised him a stupid thing. I promised to choose him when I break things off with my boyfriend. And then…” Her fingers curled onto the fabric of his shirt. “I let Yusei go because he couldn’t keep up with my busy schedule, disregarding his love and devotion for me and sinking them into nothing.” When she opened her eyes, tears leaked down from the corner of her eyes. “And now… To even offer you to make our friendship have benefits without even thinking about how you’ll feel…” Soramaru turned her face away from him, shame and guilt finally settling in completely.

Ranmaru didn’t move in his place, processing what she’d just said to him. To hear her admit that she never understands how to be in love even after being in a relationship with someone… He wondered what was lacking? What made her so confused and careless? What shut her heart off completely, what made her afraid to let someone in again? 

He exhaled through his nose. He cupped her cheek, his thumb wiping the tears away.

“I can’t say I fully understand you, but…” 

He took hold of her wrists and pulled her hands off him gently. He placed her hands above her head again, but didn’t pin them with his hands. Ranmaru leaned down and kissed her. A long kiss, before pulling back to do it again. He kept doing it until he felt her hands move, reaching up to massage his hair, whose wax already lost its strength to keep his hair up in his favorable, trademark spiky hairstyle. 

Feeling her reciprocating his kisses again, he pulled back just enough to let her see his face, a gentle smile of his own. His own smile curled on his lips. “I’ll show you… what love truly is. I’ll give you my heart that you’ll fully grasp it, and hopefully… Never let me go…”

“Ranmaru…”

He resumed the kiss. It didn’t take long until the passion burned bright again, tongues brushing past one another to take reign on exploring the heat. Relieved that this will not be just a simple fling, he started trailing his hand from her shoulder then to her waist, feeling her smooth skin, clammy hand adding coolness to her already burning body. Ranmaru felt her arch her back again, prompting him to dip his hand on her lower back, drawing small circle on her spine. He knew his kisses weren't that good but he was glad Soramaru didn't say anything about it; she guided him how to do so with her own--tugging on his lower lip, letting her tongue rest so his own could explore further, letting her sweet, sweet mewls melt in between.

His hand trailed towards the waistband of her shorts, dipping his thumb underneath to see if she would consent, but she pushed him off her gently, and with a smile, she lifted her bottom up, pulling the shorts on her own. Ranmaru quickly helped her take it off, realizing she also took off her panties in the process. He felt his breath gets stuck in his throat, eyes popping wide as he got a glimpse of her glistening sex. Once Soramaru dropped her garments off the floor (she already had her bra removed as well), bullets of sweat started pouring down all over his forehead.

She was beautiful. Very beautiful. To be graced of being permitted to lay his eyes on her bare form, the thumping of his heart grew stronger. To be even with her, knowing what will happen next, was he even worthy of this kind of love?

"Are… Are you sure about this, Soramaru?"

It wasn't too late to stop it yet. He can pretend none of this ever happened. He can pretend he didn't confess his feelings for her and give up his wish for good-

He was pulled back for another deep kiss, her arms wrapped around his body. His eyes fluttered closed, a surprised gasp trapped in between their lips. Soramaru took hold of one of his hands and guided it on her breast. Breaking their heated exchange gently, she pushed him off a bit, just enough for their eyes to meet.

"Show me how much you love me… Right here, right now…"

"Soramaru…"

He was pulled back for another kiss. This time, he gathered his courage to be more daring. His hand squeezed her mound gently, feeling her softness underneath his palm, while his other hand combed the strands of her raven hair. Ranmaru wedged the tip of his tongue in between her lips as his palm rubbed her nipple softly. He felt her mouth open, a gasp muffled from their kiss. It gave him an edge to take the lead, leading his tongue to explore her warm cavern as his hand slowly kneaded her mound. The way she let him do as he pleased, despite only getting the hang of exchanging heated kisses, lits up a flame of pride in his heart. To be able pleasure her by himself, by using his instincts and her bated breaths as signs of how to proceed further, it reassured him that his first time with her will be the best moment of their life.

Especially on this Christmas Eve.

Soramaru broke the kiss, a trail of saliva in between their lips. The two of them distanced themselves a little bit to breathe, inhaling oxygen back their lungs. Ranmaru was about to pull off his hand, but she quickly placed her palm atop his hand, pressing his palm against her breast again.

“Please, don’t stop…”

Ranmaru swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt his face flush deeper, and the pain of the tightening of his pants. Following her request, he fondled her breasts with two hands, fingers careful on squeezing them so she wouldn’t hurt her. To feel how soft her breasts were, and how they just perfectly filled his palm, this was so surreal. He loved watching it jiggle, he loved the feeling her hardened nipples beneath his palms. He could never get tired of this.

“R-Ranmaru…” Soramaru felt her body growing hotter every second. His feverish hands squeezing and fondling her breasts was driving her crazy. Even if he had never done this before, he managed to find her sweet spots and focus on them.

She rubbed her thighs together, trying to suppress the sensation to lose it here and there. Even if she was fully naked underneath him, the cold never brushed her skin.

He adjusted himself so he would be facing the valley of her breasts. He stuck the tip of his tongue and licked her skin, tasting her salty sweat. Ranmaru trailed his wet muscle towards the right, his lips now wrapping itself around her tit, suckling it. He was still gentle on his ministrations--the time where he would be more rough will come another day, as tonight, he wanted to learn about her body, to probe her weakness and focus on pleasuring her there, to fill her up with his love that maybe she would finally grasp it, like he did to her. 

He felt her hands tug on his hair, fingers digging on his scalp. The way her fingers tread on his silver locks sent sparks all over his nerves, making him groan. He switched to her left breasts, giving it the same treatment, his hand now memorizing every inch of her skin. Fingers digging on her flesh, palm rubbing certain spots of her skin, hands holding onto her. He did his best to explore as much as his hands were able to reach, making sure to spread the heat of his palm on the spots he laid his hand on. 

Ranmaru pulled himself back. His hands cupped both of her cheeks and squished them gently. “I love you so much, Soramaru… I want to keep giving you my love…”

“Please…”

He gave her a small nod. He got off from the couch to pull the gray vest off him, flinging it from behind. His shirt followed as he threw it in the same direction. He quickly unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, pulling it down, along with his boxer briefs. As he casted a glance in her direction, Ranmaru saw her watching him, eyes no doubt focused on his hardened loins. He witnessed her mouth dropping slightly, surprised at what she’d seen in him. He was definitely on the bigger side of things, and that’s one of the things he was proud of, flexing it with his old friends when they went to public baths together.

He lacked the same bravado tonight, fearing his size may be overpowering for her, even if she already had a previous experience with one man. 

Ranmaru walked towards her, and got onto the couch. He was back on top of her, his eyes gazing at her grey pupils. There was no fear anymore, and no signs of guilt either. A small sigh escaped his lips, but he realized something. He gave her a nervous look, realizing he forgot to bring the condom he kept from his wallet. "W-Wait just a minute, the condom-"

Soramaru took hold of his cock, her hand pumping him gently. He let out a grunt, his breathing caught from his throat.

"There's no need. I'm already on the pill, remember?"

Right… Ranmaru forgot she was prescribed one to easen the unbearable pain of her cramps when she experienced her monthly cycle. His train of thought quickly disappeared when her thumb played with his slit, spreading his pre around the tip of his cock. Gasping, his hips bucked forward, needing her to stroke him again. Understanding what he wanted, she wrapped her dainty fingers around his girth, hand squeezing him gently. His hand flew on top of the sofa, gripping it tightly.

"Besides…" She fastened her pump on his dick. "I want to feel you, Ranmaru. Without any barriers, I want to feel you…" 

“Ghh, Sora…!”

“Sora…” She hummed softly. “I like that.” 

Using her free hand, she placed her hand on his back and pulled him closer, guiding the tip of his cock on her glistening core. She rubbed his glans against her folds, both of them eliciting a soft moan. His hands curled into fists, knuckles turning white. She could feel him throb, and that made her heart skip a beat.

She barely did something for him, and yet he was ready. She wished she could do more, but to be able to let him in inside her heart, to accept his feelings, she must let him take the lead, guiding him on what to do.

Soramaru glanced up at him, gray eyes sparkling. “Will you… call me Sora again?”

He leaned down and kissed her lips, his hands now taking hold of her waist. He pulled back, a small smile forming on his lips.

“I’ll call you Sora as many times as you wish.”

Breathing through his nose, Ranmaru moved his hips, penetrating her core slowly. The grip on her hips tightened as he stifled a low moan. The sensation of her slick, velvety walls squeezing him as he sheathed inches of inches of his length inside, how wet and warm she was, how her lips released her soft pants of pleasure... God, this was too damn good, too much for an inexperienced grown man like him to handle right now. He needed to control himself, if only for a few moments. He didn't want to lose himself right now, not until she'd moan her needs, her desires, his name…

Soramaru wasn't faring better. It had been so long since she had done it with someone. After losing her relationship with Yusei a few years ago, she didn't bother pursuing a new relationship, let alone indulge in sexual activities. Only her fingers were enough to satiate her libido back then, but until a few weeks ago, it wasn't enough anymore. An insatiable itch she couldn't scratch in her current state. Lusting for his friend was horrible, and yet she couldn't stop thinking about Ranmaru. The guilty-pleasure of fantasizing scenarios between them was a sin she got addicted towards.

To think she would be fucked by the very same man she imagined filling her up until she couldn't go to work the next day was a wishful thinking she never expected to come true.

Her nails dug into his shoulders, not from pain but from pleasure--a long, forgotten feeling that she'd experienced again. She knew she would be done sooner than later, especially by how thick he was, how her walls stretched to accommodate his size, how he managed to drive her off edge by just a single, slow, gentle thrust. Soramaru pulled him towards her, burying her face at the crook of his neck, her legs wrapping around his hips, locking him in place.

"Ranmaru…"

She felt him shiver, his nails digging into her flesh in response. Exhaling through his nose, his hips pulled back, relishing the sensation of her walls tightening around him as if to not let him go. He released a long sigh before penetrating her again with ease, her slickness more than enough to provide lubrication. The two of them released a shaky moan at the same time. Soramaru felt him pick up pace, moving in a rhythm. She released another breathy moan, her eyes fluttering close. 

Ranmaru glanced down to see her face, to see her cheeks burn bright red, faint trails of dried tears, swollen lips parted as she kept moaning, kept moaning and panting his name. The sight was extraordinary for him, she was so hot and beautiful. It made his hips thrust harder, to make her feel better than before. 

"Sora… I-I'm doing good… Right?"

She mewled, unable to talk to him. The way he hit her sweet spots robbed her ability to speak. How in the hell did he manage to find it surprised her, but she welcomed it. She trailed her hand on the back of his head and massaged his hair, hoping it delivered her answer.

Ranmaru adjusted himself so he could bury his face on her collarbones, lips already kissing her sweat-covered skin. His hot breath tickled her, sending shivers down her spine. He was still gentle on her, and as much as she understood that, Soramaru wanted more.

"H-Harder please…"

He let out a low growl as he slammed his hips with more force, just as she asked. It made his breath hitched, made the comfortable rhythm he had to go haywire and lose his momentum. Too much, too much--

"S-Sora… Gghh…!" 

He was now pistoning her with reckless abandon, gone was the gentleness of his thrusts. The sensation was too much, the tightening of her walls was too much, her screams of pleasure were  _ too much _ . Short gasps escaped his lips, as he felt his body stiffened, his hips coming to an abrupt stop. His groan drowned against her neck, as he felt himself hit his climax, his vision turning dark with colorful splotches of stars.

His orgasm triggered her limit as well. She could only gasp his name, the sensation of his hot loads filling her up sent her over the edge. Her walls tightened around him, her own fluids mixing with his own, the excess leaking past her inner thighs and down to the couch.

Even if it was short, Soramaru felt like she ascended into heaven.

She let herself relax, even if his weight was on top of her. She raised her hand to lay it down his back gently, palm caressing his skin. He didn't stir--he must have passed out from what just had transpired.

Her mind drifted on the words he said.

Ranmaru loved him romantically all this time. The teasing of her friends were actual messages she failed to comprehend properly. Strangely enough, she was quick to take notice of other men hitting on her. Soramaru gave the likes of flirty people like Ren no chance to even progress on their game. 

Was it because when it comes to Ranmaru, she already had feelings for him? Normally, a woman who had been assaulted by a man would do anything to resist their advantage, even if the fight was futile, but she didn’t even stop him, she didn’t even yell no at him. She was so weird, and even so, that didn’t stop him from loving her… 

Love…

She wondered how long he waited to find his chance? How did he not give up on her? Did he notice the subtle hints her heart expressed without her mind realizing?

Ranmaru was so kind to her.

Soramaru felt him stir, hearing him groan softly. Her hand reached down to caress his hair, sticky and covered with sweat.

“Just relax… I’m not going anywhere…”

She felt him nod.

The warmth that radiated from his body gave her comfort. They stayed like there for a little longer, soft breaths the only sound they could hear clearly. Soramaru felt her heart race when she could feel his own heart beating against her. She felt… loved, completely filled with his love. The same, fuzzy feelings from years back, when she was still just a greenhorn adult dating Yusei.

This time, she will never let go of the love anymore.

“Ranmaru… Can you take me back to my room?”

Pulling himself up with a dazed face, he nodded his head. “Yes…”

* * *

He placed her gently on the bed. As he was about to leave her, Soramaru took hold of his wrists, tugging them gently.

“Lay down.”

Ranmaru couldn’t read her expression, but he did as he was told. He placed his knee on the mattress, making the bed creak. He sat down on the bed and laid down beside her, eyes staring at the ceiling. He felt her shuffle until there was a sudden weight on his body. He glanced down to see Soramaru on top of him. HIs heart rate picked up as he felt his cheeks heat up.

“S-Sorama-”

A single digit was placed on his lips, hushing him. He saw her own lips curling into a small smile.

“I want to return the favor--reciprocate your love.” Her finger traced his jawline, moving towards his right cheek. She cupped it with her palm, her thumb caressing his skin. “Because you’re right, why would I leave it as just a benefit for our friendship, if we can take a step further instead?” 

She closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears that threatened to fall. No, no more tears. Soramaru wanted this night to end with happiness. She opened her eyes again, gazing at his confused face. “...I don’t have to let my past relationship trap me forever. I want… to be with you.” She averted her gaze away from him, her cheeks burning red. “Forever, if possible.”

“If possible?” His brows creased. “Of course I’ll be with you forever!” Ranmaru reached up and placed his hands on her shoulder, squeezing them gently. A gentle gasp escaped her lips, which urged him to squeeze her shoulders again. “My love for you isn’t temporary. It’s not something that will go if we have disagreements again, it won’t disappear if we spend less time together because of our busy schedule, and it’s not going anywhere because I’d fallen for you.” 

He pulled her against him, his chin nudging on the top of her head. “I’m not here just to get laid by you, I’m here so I can express my feelings for you, which you let me do. Soramaru, whatever the hell happened between you and him, don’t compare it to what we have right now. He’s different from me,  _ you’re _ different from back then as well. I don’t know what truly happened, and at this point, I don’t even wanna know. I want you to be happy, Soramaru… I want to make you happy…”

“Ranmaru…” Knowing she couldn’t express herself with words anymore, she pulled herself up to claim his lips, hands cupping his cheeks. She kissed him with much, much vigor, each kiss filled with subtle force from her overweening emotions.

He trailed his hands towards her back, his palms brushing her smooth skin. Thinking back, he truly just wanted to spend Christmas with her, make fun memories in the process. He just wanted to see her smile, especially if he was the reason, as it would be the perfect gift for him this year. A day spent with her alone, as even if they wouldn't be a couple, at least they could stay friends forever. Was he thankful for her carelessness that it gave him the push to risk everything and act upon his feelings? He was not sure, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

It was the frustration he had towards her that led them here. He took his chance, the consequence mattered none to him as he poured his feelings all over her.

"I love you…" He muttered in between kisses.

"I…" She broke the kiss, eyes gazing on her left. "...If I say it, you won't think of it as meaningless?" 

"No." He reached up and cupped her cheek, guiding her to face him.

"Alright…" She steeled herself, gray eyes staring at his silver eyes. "I love you too, Ranmaru." She took hold of the hand that held her cheek and placed it against her chest. "I know our circumstances aren't… normal… but that doesn't make our feelings less. Because of you, because of your aggression when I suggested that idea, I realized… A fool like me  _ can _ be loved, and I  _ can  _ express what I truly feel, a feeling I ignored, denied, and puzzled about."

"Sora…"

"Yes." She pursed her lips, then leaned close to his ear. "I have feelings for you for a long time now… I just didn't know if I was  _ truly _ in love, or it was a superficial infatuation like with others." She lowered herself, lips on his neck, leaving peppered kisses as she went down, down, until she reached his collarbones. She nibbled on his skin, teeth grazing gently as she trailed her lips on him.

"I'm guessing…" He gasped when he felt a sudden sting on where her lips were. "...You know it now?"

"Mmm…" Leaving a lingering kiss on the spot she left a mark on, Soramaru leaned back to face him. "All thanks to you."

"I'm happy, then-guh!"

He suddenly felt something slick and warm that rubbed against his hardening loins. His eyes swept down to see her grinding against him, the sight made curl his toes from pleasure. 

"Ah… I'm glad you're still ready for more…" She took hold of his cock, guiding the tip on her folds. "I still want to be filled by you… Literally, too."

Ranmaru could only grunt in response, his hands quickly flying towards her hips.

Soramaru lowered herself, feeling his throbbing cock stretch her walls and warm her further. She gasped out his name once he was fully inside her, her walls clenched tightly.

"You showed me how much you loved me, now…" She raised her hips and placed her hands on his chest for support, "I'll show you mine."

“Sora… Nngh…”

She started moving her hips, sheating herself from his dick. Soramaru moaned his name, her fingers curling into fists. The sensation of his warmth, the fire burning inside her chest, and how she felt more than just a satiated lust melted her away from this moment. His large hands helped her move her hips, guiding her to a steady rhythm. The overwhelming warmth was ready to burst from her heart, the connection of their bodies like this, the way his silver eyes gazed at her… 

“Sora…”

She ceased her movement, her body quivering as she tried to suppress herself from reaching her limit. She failed to realize that she closed her eyes shut until he felt his hot breath brush against the crook of her neck and his arms now embracing her body.

Ranmaru brushed his lips against her skin, leaving a trail of soft kisses. He listened to her sighs, listened to the whisper of his names. The hands that were trapped in between their bodies moved to snake her arms around his neck, her hips moving to grind herself against him.

“This still feels like a dream for me…” Ranmaru placed a kiss on her chin before leaning back to face her. “This is just a self-indulgent dream… I’m just in my apartment, dreaming of you… Dreaming of showing you how much I love you…”

Soramaru leaned closer to claim his lips. With a hum, she started to pick up her face, her hips bouncing on his lap. “T-This is real… dummy… It’s not a dream…”

“Not a dream…” He repeated, letting out a grunt when her velvety walls clenched tightly around him.

“Not a dream… Ah, Ranmaru…” She leaned back, her lips releasing her sweet, sweet moans. “Let’s finish… together…”

Together… His jaw slackened, unable to reply to her with coherent words. The sight of her right now was so beautiful, to hear her moan his name, filled with love, with warmth… His arms tightened around her, holding her closer. He started thrusting his hips on the rhythm of her grind, tackling her sweet spots with every slam of his hips.

No words were spoken afterwards, only a series of bated breaths and sounds of ecstasy. Fueled by their desire, their overflowing love, the two of them held onto one another tightly as they reached their climax. Bodies stiffening, shaking, letting the sweet, sweet release past by.

Ranmaru let his body fall back, pulling her with him. He felt her wriggle on top of him, pulling herself off his hips before laying back down. He was tired and ready to fall into a peaceful slumber, but he wanted to stay up a bit longer for her. His hand reached up to caress her hair, his fingers combing her locks.

“Soramaru…” He rested his palm on the back of her head. Now that he was relaxed, it was time to talk about what comes next. “Are we going to keep our relationship a secret?”

He heard her mumble softly, her head shaking left and right. After a few moments, she placed her hands on his chest to prop herself up, facing him.

“I guess so.” The blush on her cheeks darkened. “As much as I want to let everyone know you’re mine now… You’re an idol, and an idol shouldn’t have romance. Besides, I don’t want any unnecessary attention coming towards us just because we realized our feelings for one another.” Her eyes narrowed. “We have to act like we’re not that close, too. We can’t let our longing expose our blooming love.”

“And I don't want anyone to bother you just because you're with me." His brows furrowed. "I'm more than willing to fake our relationship to be just friends, to keep our true feelings a secret when we're around people, as long as we're sure no one's going to sabotage us in any shape or form."

Soramaru couldn't help but smile at him. "There's still a lot of things that I need to know more about you, Ranmaru… As your lover now. I want to make you happy too."

"Sora…" He felt his chest swell from her words. "I'm so glad you'd let me love you…" He pulled her gently to kiss her lips softly. "I love you so much…"

"Mmm…" She responded with a deeper kiss, hands treading on his silver hair.

There was a sudden beeping noise nearby. The two of them glanced to their right, seeing the digital clock read twelve midnight. 

Soramaru let out a small chuckle. "Merry Christmas, Ranmaru."

"Merry Christmas, Soramaru." He placed a kiss on her cheek. "When we wake up tomorrow, I want to take you out on a date."

She narrowed her eyes, her lips curling into a smile. "Aren't you supposed to do that before giving me your love?"

Ranmaru frowned, his cheeks burning bright pink. "H-Hey. It's not like I know I'll shoot my shot tonight and let you know how much I'd fallen for you."

She let out another laugh, then kissed his lips when he pouted. "I'm kidding, geez." She pulled back and gave him a gentle smile. "But thank you, Ranmaru… If it weren't for you, I may never realize…"

He kissed her lips, letting her words dissipate with their passionate lip-lock. Hands on each other again, palms memorizing the warmth of their skin. They had tomorrow to look forward to, a lot of things to do now that they were bound, and yet expressing it through their kiss, it felt like there was no such thing as tomorrow.

Soramaru broke the kiss, then laid her head against his chest. Her hand rested on his body, her palm feeling his heartbeat. Sleepiness was taking over, and she knew he was doing his best to be awake longer. With one last kiss on his chest, she wrapped her arm around him, nuzzling her cheek against him.

"Good night, Ranmaru… I love you…"

He released a long breath, his arm tightening around her. "I love you too, and good night…" He lets his eyelids closed shut. "As much as I want to talk to you forever… I… I don't want this to be just a dream…"

He didn't receive any answer from her. Only the sound of her snoring reached his ears.

She was real, she was in his arms, she was with him. Reassuring himself, Ranmaru finally lets the exhaustion get the best of him. The warmth of her body soothed his worries away, he tightened his hold on her as he drifted into deep slumber.

* * *

"You sure about this, Soramaru?"

Ranmaru gazed at her with a creased brow. She was leaving her phone behind. Wouldn't she be receiving texts from people?

When they woke up, they did their morning routines and ate the leftover desserts for breakfast. Soramaru was nice enough to iron his clothes so he would be presentable when they head out for lunch, her treat (as much as he insisted to be a gentleman for her and pay for her food). The warmth that raced in his chest never ceased, as her gentle smile was formed for him.

He was glad she accepted his feelings, and in return, found it in her heart to reciprocate wholeheartedly.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She only gave him a wide smile. "Tomorrow's back to our usual life, after all. I want to spend today with just the two of us." She coiled her hands around his arm, nudging her cheek against him. "Everyone can wait, but my wish to spend Christmas with you can't."

"Geez!" He let out an amused chuckle. "You know I'm not gonna go anywhere." He glanced down and smiled at her.

The start of a new day together. On Christmas Day.

Ranmaru now had a reason to keep his holiday spirit up. He was spending it with a special friend. His beloved girlfriend. When he would be given a chance, the next time Christmas comes around, maybe he would ask her hand in marriage. He would sure as hell make it come true. Settle that damn debt, retire his idol career with a bang, and maybe check up on his mother and sister again. Introduce Soramaru to them. It still was a long way to go, but to see her gentle smile on her lips as they left her home, it gave him the fuel to chase that faraway dream.

Soramaru stopped in her tracks. She turned around to face him, her smile never wavering. "I know I may sound like a broken record but… Thank you."

He cocked his head, his smile widening. "Why thank me?"

She threw herself towards his arms, embracing him with a tight hug. "Because of you, I now know how to love… To love better." She leaned back to face him. "Even if we just became together for one night, it's true."

Ranmaru leaned down to kiss her lips. "I know." He distanced himself away from her then took hold of her hand, their fingers intertwining. "Let's go before we ran out of restaurants to squeeze ourselves in."

"Right."

As they walked together, hand in hand, an idea came into his mind.

He would write a song for her. A song of emotion. He could write the lyrics himself, but he would be going to ask his fellow QUARTET NIGHT members to help him compose, and maybe ask Haruka as well. Of course, Ranmaru was going to hide this reason a secret for them, only giving them an excuse of singing a love song for his fans.

It was going to be a late gift for her, but he had no doubt she would be happy despite the tardiness of his gift.

“Oh yeah.” Soramaru pulled the door of the car open. “Once we head home, I should give you my gift now before I forget again.”

“A gift?” He pointed his finger at himself. “For me?”

“Yeah.” A large grin formed on her lips. “A gift for you. I wanted to keep it a secret, and since you didn’t see it when we went into my room… I’m going to keep it a secret a little longer.”

“Awww, now I want to see it!”

Soramaru shook her head. “Once our day is over. I promise you’ll love it.”

“Well then, I’ll make sure today’s one of the best Christmas Day in your life!” Ranmaru gave her a playful wink.

“I’m sure you will, Ranmaru.” A soft chuckle escaped her lips. 

They headed inside her car, Soramaru gunning the engine on. When she held onto the gear, Ranmaru placed his palm on the top of her hand. She didn’t let go of the gear, letting their fingers intertwine as they headed to their next destination.

“I love you, Soramaru.”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, her lips curling into a soft smile. “You’re going to say that forever, I guess.”

“I will if I could.” He chuckled. “That’s just how much I love you.”

She nodded her head, her fingers squeezing him gently in response. 

"Thank you... for believing in my love."

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday to Ranmaru Kurosaki.
> 
> This is my love letter for his birthday this year.


End file.
